She's on her way.

2012-01-01T03:33:00.003+08:00

Happy new year, everyone!!!!

A new year and I have made new resolutions for this year!

For last year, I did have walked the talk. And this year, I need to get myself to be even more focused and only set 3 priorities.

*Yawn* so tired... =)

2011-11-30T00:01:00.001+08:00

One paper down and a coffee session of my performance review with my boss. Super tired. Got to know my performance rating. Sigh, not good at all, compared to my past performance grades. But at least i know my boss's feedback. Apparently he managed to catch spot-on of some of my weaknesses, now i can only use actions to change his views.

Sigh, don't think i can go for the conference next year..sigh..

This time, i am even more certain that i have thrown myself into a big sea, learning how to swim and survive.

Sigh. Oh well, i am young now, i can afford to take hardships. Jiayou jiayou jiayou jiayou!!

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ZJ's birthday today!! Happy birthday!!!! =D

2011-11-16T00:46:00.001+08:00

Have not had much pleasant times at work recently..I learnt something new about my weakness and my strength in work..and am trying to be even more careful and detailed in my work.

Kinda been having terrible intuition about how my boss has now evaluated me..but i just gonna be brave and stormed through all obstacles.

I must constantly learn from Da Chang Jin - always face your fear with courage and never give up even in the face of difficulties.

At least i know that now, i have supportive colleagues who are always trying to help or offer me advices whenever i can.

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I was trapped in a lift this evening at my house.

This was the first time when I could feel myself in such technical disorder situation. I did harbor worried thoughts that the lift will topple and my life will be taken just like that.

Thank goodness, i managed to keep my cool and sanity. I kept pressing the alarm bell button. Can't believe i actually had this day when this button has its importance. I didn't want to call my mum, because I know she will freak out, seeing me trapped in the lift and in case the lift has any mishap, I didn't want her to witness this entire tragic.

Anyway, i must really thank my neighbor who entered the same lift as me during that time and then exited after me, came to my rescue. The service man was on his way.

At that instant when the service man opened the lift door with his mere strength, somehow he looked like Superman to me..i was so impressed with his strength that my jaws opened in amazement and i said "wow!". hahha...

Anyway to thank my neighbor, i bought her many tidbits as an appreciation of thanks.

Really if it wasn't for her to offer that first contact point, i wouldn't have gotten out of that trapped lift so quickly.

But can't believe that AG was rather cold towards this incident. Obviously he knew nothing terrible is going to happen to me. Sigh. Don't know whether the value of my existence to him is deteriorating. Sigh, oh well, i gonna get used to this kind of feeling. Probably, for me, this is the value of my existence when my relationship duration is increasing.

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Things have not been going smoothly for me lately..i'm feeling increasingly depressed and have anxiety attacks which i never had before. i could only express my depressions over here in this blog.

2011-11-11T00:35:00.001+08:00

Recently i realize my brain seems to be deteriorating unusually..sigh..that gets me upset...

exams at the end of nov..and ends on 1st week of dec..!! so nervous!! this time, i am not going to take any leave to prepare for exams..so gonna push myself to a greater stress management and memory capacity limit!!

2011-10-30T13:57:00.001+08:00

Don't know what's wrong with me recently..had all sorts of weird dreams - dreamt of my boss and me feeling pressurized...tied to a bungee thingy and thrown up and down in the air...and my lips being injured by a fish hook, yet didn't feel any pain..

Hmmmm...

Think the boss's expectations really have been stressing me a lot...i'm kinda worried that my numerous questions posed to him may have posed to him that i am not very intelligent... :s and don't know why i may have portrayed to him as a not very hardworking worker...sigh...

I am intelligent, just that to avoid any form of misunderstanding, i wanna ask more to double confirm!!! I am hardworking, i have been making a lot of notes to memorise..!!!!

i will survive..i will survive...!!!

Exams are around the corner..i am starting to feel the stress...

2011-10-26T00:14:00.000+08:00

Think i'm starting to become paranoid since the disappointment incident..i'm starting to worry if i will be dismissed for the incapability..i don't want to disappoint my boss again..but don't know why, things are not going smoothly for me these few days, i made mistakes which i have never made before in my past 3 years..think i've put too much pressure on myself...

sigh...

really hope i can regain my self-confidence and boss's confidence in my capability.

don't stress too much, mantou...don't stress too much...relax.....

2011-10-22T02:26:00.001+08:00

Not an excellent morning to begin today. Again, I have disappointed my boss. I was shocked because i thought i've perfected my work before sending to him. Only the second time when i made the mistake (a different mistake this time), i was finally enlightened what the root of my problem is...

Couldn't agree more with my boss about his very first feedback to me on Thursday - I did not listen. Initially i have to be honest with myself that i do kinda doubt it. My initial thoughts were that it couldn't be - during normal conversations, i could remember every single thing the other party is saying. I can even remember what the event is during the conversation. But then since today's incident, i kinda know the reason.

For my past 3 years' working experiences, i have been very much attuned to taking instructions via emails, resulting in my deterioration to listen attentively to verbal instructions. I am glad that i learnt my big lessons right now during my probation period.

Of course, i am not going to let it happen. It will affect my performance! So I've come out with a solution and i believe this time, it'll work successfully.

Seriously i want to prove to my boss that i am willing to learn, willing to change to the better, and that i am worthy of his guidance and employment.

The more i reflect, the more i feel i have indeed made a wise decision. I am still grateful for my very first employment experience. But on this second career path experience, I realize there are hundreds of things which i am totally inexperienced and that i need to tell myself - this is the period when you are improving yourself. That is why you have made this decision to move out of the comfort zone. The road may be tough, but you just gonna press on and keep telling yourself that you can do it. Do not despair. Do not give up easily. Keep on thinking of solutions to improve yourself.

2011-10-20T00:56:00.002+08:00

Think i have mentioned my career ambition too soon...

these 2 days have been a disaster for me in work..it was totally unsatisfactory!! Sigh....totally disappointed with myself..wanted to explain to my boss, but after some thoughts, i decided to hold them back, will only reflect myself taking excuses...i guess i've put my guard down in work, as a result, i did not put in 100% effort in making sure my work a total perfection before sending to my boss.

after some reflection, i find it weird - why i will do that? how come i can end up like this? i guess after all i need to get back my self-discipline back. i need to quickly transform myself into a perfectionist.

i told myself before - i want to work for this boss, right from the start after the first interview with him. i know i can grow, i can improve under his leadership. i must learn the good work ethnics from him. i must press on!! i must transform!!! i can do it!!!

2011-10-13T23:51:00.002+08:00

Finally all back to my regularity!! ZJ's wedding was just over on Saturday and i was honored to be one of the bridesmaids, and...one of the MCs for her wedding dinner!!

Enjoyed myself very much throughout the entire day..the groom and his brothers were very spontaneous! First time i had a walk down the church aisle..haha..of course as the bridesmaid..ZJ was a very beautiful bride on that day too...

Wedding dinner was lovely..love the live band whom ZJ has engaged..it was entertaining and at least many of us would not feel so bored..

And of course, seems that love cupids were flying around that day..hee hee her...

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Work is taking its pace to pick up..but i am starting to have several concerns in my mind..e.g. if i voice out too many suggestions, will it make me look too aggressive or hungry for straight As? Or what are the other areas i need to consider while working..? Can i be proactive in voicing out suggestions and improving things to the better, or just wait for my boss to give instructions to me?

Hmm..i want to do well, in fact, wanna do a lot better than before. my morale is at peak - i am no longer taking cabs to work, i study on the trains whenever i am on my way to work or back home from office, i am back to my exercise regime..

this time, i wanna score straight As in my work.

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2011-10-07T00:57:00.000+08:00

6th October 2011 marks the day when a member of the Crazy Ones passed away at his 56. He's Steve Jobs, ex-CEO of Apple Inc. It's interesting and somehow comforting to see many of us, including me myself, post several clips, speeches and biography about him over Facebook.

He is, indeed, as said by many, a visionary. A crazy one. A legendary.

My very first knowledge of him, probably interestingly, has nothing to do much with Pixar and iPhone. It is his presentation style, the simplicity and impact of his presentation slides, which draws me to him the very first time. It was then when i was inspired to do up similar presentation slides i my career path. Not an easy thing to, because the slides are so simple that the speaker needs to put in a huge effort to remember his lines and building up the climate of the presentation.

2 years back, i was introduced to using iPhone, credits to AG. Used to be cynical about the phone and of course its price. But this phone concept has this rather powerful attraction. I love the application, i love the responsiveness and convenience of the phone. I was pulled closer to Steve Jobs' fan club.

Just last year, I got my very first DSLR and later introduced by my ex-colleague to use RAW format. Eventually, I managed to get a MacBook with the help of my dad. And woah! That was the moment when i knew i can never get back to Windows OS..(i mean besides my office laptop). Mac has helped me so much with my editing of photos.

Couldn't agree more when news, even US president, complimented that Jobs has put a lot of impact onto the world.

I've read more about him today, especially his speech at a Stanford graduation ceremony. i respect him more than before. He's an inspiration to me who is weaving my own dream into a reality.

Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

Thank you, Steve Jobs!

2011-10-06T01:35:00.001+08:00

New work has been starting quite a while..a lot of new things to learn and I'm still unlearning and re-learning..and there are times when i need to remind myself that i cannot be too frank in my replies..think not everyone can take it..i need to watch my mouth...hmmm...

2011-09-25T03:29:00.002+08:00

my iPhone just died on me.. *heartache*

been rather paranoid these few days...think attributed to my physical hiccups..

i'm so tired...my iPhone is not working well, and i've not been studying religiously, besides studying on mrt trains, every time during on my way to work..

2011-08-27T03:00:00.002+08:00

Finally the conference is over and from tomorrow onwards will be free and easy!! WOoh!

Hmm..a little self-reflection of my performance..hmm..have to admit that i'm not handling well yet, still trying to adjust myself to the new environment and trying to figure out my new boss's expectations, and also trying my best to interact well with colleagues..in addition, a lot of technical terms which i have been trying to get myself to learn..

learning curve is steep, well, have to admit that this curve seems to be steeper than the previous one, kinda feeling a little stressed out and lost once in a while..particularly because in my previous job, I was already attuned to the environment since internship, so even on my first day, i was very comfortable working.

Well, have told myself before - i have made the decision to step out of the comfort zone, the start is never easy, so now i need to be even stronger to survive in this tentative challenge zone - just need to push myself a lot further..! Looking at the postive angle, it's good that there is a push/pull factor to get myself move more proactively.

Mantou, you have done it before! So now, you can do it!!! Prove yourself that you are worth the employment!!! SHINE MANTOU SHINE...!! ROAR..!!

2011-08-16T01:13:00.002+08:00

Anyway been feeling better these few days..just had a dinner with AG and his friends too..tried to watch my behaviour..

Left one week!! Think have not had enough rest...haha..but excited for my new work and going to head to Taipei for business trip! =)

Oh ya, went to USS with AG the previous week! After 2 years plus, this is our very first outing!! And we tried the roller coaster, it was crazy fun!! The food is pretty awesome too but the price is hmm.... Think the USS isn't as great as Disneyland, but having AG as company is wonderful!!

2011-08-11T00:39:00.004+08:00

Don't know why..I am still not feeling at my best today, even though AG told me not to worry about yesterday's incident..somehow, the intuition tells me that i still need to worry, be prepared for the worst..you may get replaced by another girl who is better than you. Anyway DMT, you have no talent in this area. Accept it if that day comes. You may be good in many other things but probably this is the something your life will be compromised. You are not a keeper.

Sigh. keep feeling that this incident is a ticking time bomb for me...

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Somehow out of the blue, at times, i keep thinking whether i am smart or stupid...i feel myself very stupid when i am at a total loss or i am not performing to others' expectation..but yet again, i feel that i should be smart, otherwise how can i manage so many things right now?

It can get kinda scary when you are sitting on the roller coaster which can give you dips of high and low confidence level, because in the end, you get yourself lost and confused, not knowing what you actually are.

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2011-08-10T00:03:00.002+08:00

A good morning to start off for National Day - went to watch Harry Potter finale..

But not a good night to end it off...was on a defense mode while having social awkwardness at the same time, and as a result, out of my defense mechanism, i gave a gentle slap on AG's face when he tried to kiss me on my cheeks in front of his friends..yes, it was wrong of me to slap him, even if it's a gentle one..at that moment, it was so sudden, my mechanism triggered the "fight" mode and i had made the worst mistake a girlfriend should not make. He was annoyed and i later realise that i've just embarrassed him.

Explanations..sigh, can't say much, i can't explain that too..i only knew during the dinner, i was socially awkward, i was shy and quiet - all the comfort i could seek of was the NDP show and the steamboat dinner which i just kept munching away..

i was at fault..so sigh, oh well, if AG were to want the end of this r/s, i know i deserve it and should not cry over spill milks..

Once again i've screwed up, just that this time is in a complete different form.

The alternative for this, i need to run away - avoid meeting AG's friends for their gathering sessions. Each session, i do not behave like myself and involuntarily my social mind sets at its defense mechanism, fights back when it gets threatened.

Somehow i guess i need to get myself mentally and emotionally prepared for the worst. i am aware that i do not have the physical asset and now, my behaviours are unacceptable..

I am a total screw up in relationships.

2011-07-24T23:47:00.003+08:00

Things are starting to move slow for me in the office, well, because i'm leaving! hhaa..hmm..the news have brought in sudden to all of my colleagues - guess i've been really quiet in the office and they never seem to be hearing me complaining.

Hmm, I will not say I'm not pleased with my work environment there, but I feel I need a major change in my career path. I'm telling myself - if I don't try this change now, then when? By the time when the life requires me to settle for a safety rope to hold on, there may be a high tendency I need to hang on in the safety zone. But then again, who knows that the change is my safety zone? You never know unless you try.

My parents, especially my mum, haven't been supportive of my this decision..but anyway I'm a stubborn girl, i am determined to prove them wrong - i can do well in this sector, in this industry, that i can still manage my studies and work..

i am a strong mantou - i know i can do it!! YES I CAN..!!!!!!!!

WOoOO..ok, gonna wait for my colleague to be back from her vacation tmr, and I can start handing over my work to her..following that, I can go for my breakkkkkkk...!!! My long-awaited breakkkkkk...!!!!

2011-07-20T19:41:00.002+08:00

It's done. In the progress of ending this chapter of life, and going to write a new chapter.

Yup, readers, I've accepted a new job offer, moving into a totally new and different industry. Kinda nervous about it because it feels that i'm making a milestone, bringing myself to greater heights, but on the other end, worried that it may be a wrong move. But anyway no matter what, what i have decided, i will aim for the target.

Gambatte, mantou!

2011-07-15T09:14:00.002+08:00

Some of the snapshots which I took during Singtel & Singapore Cancer Society - Race Against Cancer 2011 event! Was given the opportunity by them to be one of the volunteer photographers..! =)

Enjoy!

2011-07-03T21:37:00.004+08:00

Finally I had time to upload my favourites of the shots which I took during YJ's wedding..first time being a bride maid - rather tiring from morning to noon..gosh..but love the rest period in the afternoon when the bride maids had the entire room for themselves while the brothers had theirs at another room. =)

Still need to improve on my shots. Felt that my quality of the photos was not professional enough.

I really need to lose more weight and tone up my legs..my legs look so chubby..!!! :(

anyway enjoy the shots! More have been uploaded in my FB! =D

2011-06-09T02:06:00.002+08:00

Still trying to study for my last paper..tue's paper was a tragic for me, slept through the night and morning...

Went for a meet up and feel that there will be no follow-up after today's meet up. Sigh.

Thought things are picking up but seems that I have to face the reality. Sigh sigh.

What to do? Just have to hang on there.

2011-06-06T00:11:00.002+08:00

Exams have started..and now moving into the 2nd week of exam. Work in the morning and prepare for exams in the afternoon. Kinda exhausting...

Tmr is a presentation to a proposal evaluation panel. Stress. Plus a tough paper on tue. How good timing can that be.

Sigh.

Can't wait for my exams to be over.

Seems to receive a few calls. But still gonna cross my finger.

2011-05-20T01:15:00.000+08:00

Well it's another round of wait.

Hope they'll call me soon...

2011-05-09T02:51:00.002+08:00

i broke down once again, cried quietly to myself for the past 2 hrs...i'm going to rattle out my thoughts right now.

i am breaking down not because I am fatigue from studying.

i am breaking down because i am tired of my job. yes, i am saying i am tired of working.

i have not taken any decent vacation since my trip to vietnam at the end of my yr 2. since then, i worked, i studied, i worked, i studied and i worked and i studied. Even after i've completed my yr 4, i have not even taken any decent break, not even a graduation trip, and i jumped into work. and since then, work, study, work, study and work and study.

i am trapped in the parental protection scheme now. i dun have any chance to travel leisurely. why can't they give me a chance to study overseas like my brother? why can't they just let me go?

what i am really want to do? yes, away overseas for a month, away with my backpack and camera. i want to go to US for 2 weeks, explore bits and parts of US to eat and feel the culture. also to japan look for my brother and visit the little interesting places. to hong kong to eat my long-wished childhood comfort food and probably to bali since it feels like a very relaxing place to rest.

but i know i still need to work. but can't i wish for a good decent break? Please grant me this wish...

2011-05-09T01:16:00.002+08:00

Couldn't get to sleep..I am feeling so terribly trapped. I really have enough of the time when I cannot get good rest at all, for many years. I am really feeling sick of what I'm doing. I couldn't help thinking over and over and over again.

I'm really fatigue. Can I take a break?

2011-05-05T23:54:00.002+08:00

The desperation is building up and I am getting frustrated.

I am starting to feel extremely fatigue. I'm feeling sick of this whole world, just want to abandon the reality, break away and venture off for a month.

AG has been recently feeling annoyed with me, which is keeping on my toes..I am starting to get a litte worried..as time passes, the more i get worried, because my intuition tells me that the climate of a relationship will start to decline when it's stepping into the 3rd year...

all i can tell myself is just leave it to fate..you can't control this..and maybe i am not a good catch afterall, don't be so full of yourself.

Sometimes I think myself of being too naive and simplistic so much that I overestimate myself.

2011-05-05T00:40:00.002+08:00

Good badminton practice. Although I'm not sure whether will be playing for the departmental games, but anyway as long as I can play badminton, it's alright for me.

Had dinner with AG just now and were talking about his friend who knows his gf for a year and is getting married next year. Asked about why the rush, and was given the answer that the gf was a good catch. Hmm, what defines good catch? so does that mean that a good catch will get married within a year?

hhaa..shall not think so much, depends on your fate.

2011-04-24T03:14:00.002+08:00

heelllooo hello there...

well, been busy with work as usual..seems to me that this year's the busiest among my working years.

seems that there might be a change awaiting me..my division deputy director approached me to discuss for a change..i know what i want, i make the request, and gonna see how it goes. but i want to accomplish my few big things while i am still in my current work scope. i wanna make a big positive change in my work before i leave.

recently been trying to create the room for changes, but seems that it is still not working for me. i think i know what i am good at or weak in, what i want in my life, in my career. i just need to keep trying.

I'm seeking for a lifelong character development, so that it can get me ready to achieve my life goals.

i need a break no matter what. a vacation overseas. somehow i wanna travel overseas on my own, it smells independence, freedom and adventures. i might meet the most interesting people and probably dangerous people. but if i can take this kind of risk, no doubt i should be able to handle any big change i wanna make in my life.

i kinda miss my mini travel photography, be it local or overseas. i can just go wherever i feel like going, stay put as long as i wish to, without feeling any external pressure.

i have business plan in my mind, but i know my current character development is not up to the capability yet. sigh, but who is willing to take the leap of faith in giving me the chance to expand my development room?

Study for this semester is a total craze.

2011-04-08T00:34:00.002+08:00

I am still not giving up, but keep on trying until I get it. Hhaa..not really in a mood to blog recently..been very busy with work, and work is piling but i keep feeling i need a break from work, even if it's just for a day. i did take a day time-off today, a work breakaway, and immense myself in books. Preparing for my exams which will commence in first week of june. This semester's exams spread over 2 weeks, i know i can't afford to take full-day leave for the entire 2 weeks. so need to start studying right now. Gambatte!

2011-03-31T00:47:00.002+08:00

Wait is my recent habit and disappointment is my current constant mental feed. Sigh.

2011-03-23T23:28:00.003+08:00

Terrible cough i am having...coughing very badly during work today and really wish I could have the money to just see a doctor get a mc and rest at home...

the whole afternoon was tough to get through..having some fainting spells, coughing badly, feeling weak and trying hard to look through the figures..it's a hard struggle..

AG was very sweet and nice..he fetched me to the toa payoh clinic where i seeked for tcm..went to see my teacher..had gone to see the western doctor earlier on on sunday, but as expected i know the doctor has no idea how to treat it, cos mine is not typical cough - phelgm, sorethroat, etc.

hopefully i can get well by friday!!! i'm going to be busy on weekend!!

2011-03-21T22:04:00.002+08:00

Sick, I'm finally sick!

My entire body system just collapses completely. Keep coughing very badly especially when I lie on the bed..especially last night...terrible night to get through before i went to cook some ginger soup to drink..thank goodness i went to the clinic at night to get a medical cert..had extremely good rest today..

anyway shall not talk..still feeling fatigue after all the rest..

2011-03-14T23:43:00.002+08:00

Finally things have been straightened between AG and me..haha..and the Sunday was very well-spent with him. Just by hanging out and lazing with him feels oh so good! =]

My bro is safe in Japan, safe from the terrible earthquake..I was so worried that he could not survive..first he can't swim, so assumingly the first instinct is probably worrying about not knowing how to swim..second he has never been educated in surviving all these natural disasters, so really have to play by the ear.

Let's pray for Japan's well-being.

2 weeks of wait, and still in vain. Sigh.

2011-02-26T01:10:00.002+08:00

Today was a rather unsettling day..

Din get to talk much to AG..i mean at least he called and msged me once in a while..but i kept feeling very unsettled and uncomfortable...like there's an omen....

but anyway AG din have a good day today at work - facing some bad moments in office...while i was busy in the morning, first-time experienced media site visit and goodness me, i felt so noob, inexperienced and passive...i felt lousy about my performance today....

from time to time, somehow whenever i was left alone, i could feel myself thinking the discussion last night and the pessimistic feeling just keeps banging onto me which makes me tear...

i am feeling very afraid and unsettled...dun know i keep feeling that he's trying to avoid me in a way.......it just feels distant, scary and once again unsettling....... :'(

2011-02-25T01:01:00.002+08:00

Having a terrible headache now after all my silent tearing in my room..

I am very exhausted from all my sobbing and negative thoughts...

I really wish AG is the one for me, but I'm scared that things will go the other way round...

I'm a girl who believes in marriage. I'm a girl who has hope and faith in her marriage. I'm a girl who wants to give all her heart and soul in her marriage, always wanting to build a photo album of lasting memories with her husband, despite of the past failed relationship/s she has. Because she knows for this man has the courage to walk through the lives together, to build happiness together, who is willing to wait with her for all good things to happen.

This is my belief in marriage. Pretty naive ah? But it's a little candle of hope she is holding it tightly and always reminding herself to have faith in God.

I am still loving AG. I feel he is great, he really makes me feel very happy and blessed, keep making me feel very strongly that he might be the one who will give me the courage to walk through the aisle of life and I can picture very strongly of all the happy times spent together in a marriage life, it's something which I have never felt before...I'm wailing to wait for him as long as I can hear and feel his assurance that he wants to walk the aisle with me...and of course as long as my expiry date is not up yet.

But as for Now I keep feeling very lousy of myself...

2011-02-24T23:50:00.003+08:00

Once again, I'm stuck in my paranoia and self-condemnation.

The same issue of travelling overseas together before marriage is brought again, and this time, it is different - I couldn't make it happen, as such approval needs to come from my parents. I know I am already 26 this year and I am still listening to my parents..but i've no courage to get into huge conflicts with my parents again..and i keep hoping that the wait can last till i get married..but dun know why i keep feeling such wait has its limit and may not last till marriage....

I start the same behaviour again - ask AG if he wants to hang out with other girls who can go overseas with him during dating period.

I know myself that I am very lousy gf to AG...i can't go overseas now with him......I am really really very lousy to the core....

but i also want to leave the best memory to my husband...but why it just seems so far to me...and that i'll not be married..yeah, every girl wants to get married, just a matter of time and her eligibility.

I am the worst girlfriend ever :'( I can't even grant a simple wish....

2011-02-21T01:02:00.002+08:00

Went to office to finish up some of my backlog..realise that it can be a very comforting working environment on a Sunday afternoon - there's lotsa freedom =)

really wish weekends end slow..i need that weekend rest before kicking off the new week.

Next weekend is one crucial moment..gonna be even busier than the past few weeks!

2011-02-19T02:17:00.002+08:00

Been very busy lately...but somehow I have been feeling motivated and of course challenged in a manner..

Finally for today, I managed to squeeze a morning out to interact with my officers, to understand more and together with my colleague, trying our best to help them in any way in their course of work.

It seems that there are always loopholes in every system, and people are constantly working towards perfecting it..or to be realistic, only some are working hard to become the top-notch problem solvers and solution executors.

For the past few weeks, upon self reflection in my work place, this comes to my mind, not yet a conclusion - it is easier to be a solution provider than to be the executor.

In the world, there are an university of solutions available, but it is up to us who make the decisions to execute these solutions.

Sometimes I can just feel myself being noob in executing solutions, I may have plenty of solutions to many problems, but how I need to go about executing them, I feel I am still relatively inexperienced.

Recently I've been given a pretty strong dosage of work adrenaline and independence. I have to admit I am liking such independence although such can get me really uptight and stressed up. Guess it's time for the baby eagle to start flapping her wings and getting herself up everytime she falls. :)

2011-02-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

Happy new year, everyone!! haha..so how's your 4.5 days of rest been?

haha..well well well...I've been eating non-stop..haha..and so i've gained back that 1 kg..Booo hoooo...

anyway i still have some time before the day when i need to wear the bride maid dress..i need to look good in those photos!

been very busy, as usual..shall blog more..recently i've been facebooking more than blogging..hahaha..

2011-01-23T02:45:00.003+08:00

Been exercising..realise that my stamina and strength have deteriorated a lot! Gosh..but have been trying to avoid eating too much carbo..and things seem to be working.. =) recently been feeling that my working pants don't feel too tight as compared to previously.

went for kickboxing on sat and another exercise session on fri..my legs are super sore now..goodness me..so tiring but highly motivated..but at the same time, i need to make sure that my health is maintained well, no illness throughout the year..

was pretty proud of myself about my health record last year - only 2 days of MC last year, and i was relatively healthy throughout..even if for colds, i managed to get myself recovered within a night or few hours.

so this year, my health record target is to lose weight and stay healthy at the same time.

and for this year's xmas gift, i am going to get myself prime lens for my camera..been reading up thee few days, kinda motivated to get this type of lens..will need to think through over these few months..haha..

hopefully my work this coming week will not be as hectic as last week..

2011-01-19T23:27:00.005+08:00

Work is a havoc..it was a nagging week for me..i started to feel exhausted..especially when i received an email and the few initiatives I tried to roll out are not effective enough..i'm starting to feel a little demoralised..

was tied up with many items these few weeks..i have completely neglected the HR issue of my officers..wanted to help them but i was so tied up with many things in HQ..i felt i myself could not move things..i need the strong support from my 2 senior officers to help make things possible.

i need to admit that i am weak now, i need help.

i realise that i am still not happy. i still feel i need a change. sigh.

2011-01-16T12:35:00.002+08:00

Finally I have made the decision to sign up membership at Amore fitness centre. And went for my first lesson today..pretty tiring just for the stretchfit lesson..but it feels good. i need to lose weight more.

Not really looking forward to this week's work..a lot of work to do..but need to tahan tahan tahan!!!

2011-01-11T23:52:00.002+08:00

AG picked me up after my lesson ends today..yeah..wonder is it because his parents ask him to do so..hahaha..

Anyway some more, AG and I came to this conversation topic - of what is my score in his eyes..so he told me that i was 7.5 out of 10 and added that i top the other girls..hmm..as for being the top, i dun really care much because he knows himself he has to put me at the top..but i am actually not very pleased with my own scorecard..personally i am not very satisfied. 7.5 means there is 2.5 marks missing, which indicates i still have a relatively big room of improvement. Currently the only thing i can think to improve is my body shape - to lose great deal of weight. to look skinny, to put on make up and do my hair, change the way how i dress up..

these few days have been relatively tough..i realise myself trying to control myself from taking in too much carbohydrates..i need to be more aggressive in my diet..to go on low-cab diet and be more picky in my food selection..i need to eat no matter what, otherwise going on hunger strike will only damage my stomach which is very harmful to health.

ZJ's wedding is this year, and i need to tone up my arms..slim down my legs as much as possible..so that i can look nice and on top of that, i can score more than 7.5....!!

This year is my "Walk the Talk" year.

2011-01-11T00:00:00.002+08:00

Work as usual is piling up and I totally find hard to breathe..headache headache..trying to make things work out smoothly but seems that things still do happen..haha..

wonder why my boss has not approved my off in lieu yet!!! have submitted via the system last week and this week sent an email to her..but seems that she's not approving it.. (T__T) start to have this feeling that i need to finish up the crucial items first and let her know that I've finished my work...sigh...

2011-01-04T23:53:00.002+08:00

It's only my first day of school and I'm feeling that I want to break down..6 modules this semester..and I still need to revise my basic to firm up my foundation..

And I realise that I'm starting to talk to myself again..I'm only afraid that I might be reaching the climax of my stress tolerance level..

I know my condition because I remembered talking to a frog during my JC period..I was so stressed up that I really wished for a listening ear and emphatic heart. But I felt very alone managing that stress during that time.

Right now, I can feel almost the same way..but gonna think of ways to keep myself sane.

I'm thinking to take up yoga.

2010-12-26T01:59:00.003+08:00

Didn't have an excellent xmas morning to start off..went to golf course with AG and his 2 other guy friends..i have all sorts of terrible shots, my mood was highly affected by all the basic hits i couldn't achieve unlike those which i hit at the range..it was horrible..i got pissed off and i started pulling long faces throughout the whole course.

Seriously it wasn't me ..and i have to admit that i did not manage my emotions well enough..i was so affected that i couldn't hide the expressions..i felt very left alone during the entire course..i knew at that moment, i needed to be independent but i could not control myself feeling very lonely and un-motivated. it's a terrible 2 hours which i had to go through myself. 2 hours of no one motivating me, telling me that it's alright...and many times i can feel very strongly that his 2 friends were mocking or doubting me behind my back..

it was an extremely terrible feeling. i felt like crying but i had to control cos i had already expressed my frustration on my face.

all i knew that i was extremely lonely and just wished for a caring and understanding heart towards my terrible shots...but i guess i need to take this experience as a training for myself that i need to be more independent in managing my own emotions..

anyway i decide that for the time being, i shall not join them..and i guess they wouldn't want me to join in given my performance today..so i just gonna give myself time to practise more and hit the golf course myself to learn to manage the stress. once i am ready, i can just kick the guys' ass and show them that i am not that terrible as they will think of.

i really hate to lose in a un-glam manner.

2010-12-24T01:45:00.002+08:00

Had a xmas gathering with ZJ they all..love all the presents which I receive this year!!

Upon self-reflection, i decide to have a resolution for year 2011 - improve on my social skills. To speak kinder words (i realise i've been rather critical in my words when i open my mouth to talk), to practise my smile (i realise i've this habit of wanting to smile and yet not smiling, it feels almost like a fake smile which will give the incorrect message to others), and to learn to have fun (i realise i'm too serious).

half day tomorrow, yeah~! =D

It's a sad post.

2010-12-22T00:12:00.002+08:00

Hmmm...realise that i feel i am not ready, still..i'm not ready to travel overseas with AG..to me, it's like one big milestone in the relationship..AG's not ready for marriage and seems not to believe in one, so i am kinda afraid that if things didn't turn out well, i will feel ...i don't know..i only feel loss of faith..

2010-12-18T23:20:00.002+08:00

went to seek the divine advice..

well, asks me to be at ease and peace without bothering for change, asks me to be patient and my success will come eventually..

shall take the advice at the moment. Well at least i feel more peace with myself...

finally i have done the xmas shopping spree for the s5 girls xmas gathering and my colleagues' xmas celebration! hmm..think this time, the gifts should be better than last year's..haha..

had a good evening outing with myself just now. hang around at tamp's starbucks, watching shows, drinking coffee..basically slacking around with my favourite coffee brand. =)

feel a lot better now...

just got my clinical attachment schedule for the new semester..yeah!! my first mentor is my favourite mentor for the internal medicine module. he is extremely good..every time there is always a long queue of patients and i always get to learn many cases from him..trying to pick up his thread of thoughts during his diagnosis and medicine prescription, etc..i even recommend to my mum and she even compliments for the effectiveness of the medicine prescribed to her. i'm glad to hear that.

I inspire to be like this mentor in the future..this is my life goal =)

2010-12-18T00:36:00.002+08:00

Mood was not fantastic today..was so upset by the same hiccup that i kinda teared in front of my parents..but can't really tell them cos they will just give me all sorts of reasons to make me change my mind.

I am not happy but what can i do.

2010-12-17T00:47:00.002+08:00

Work today was not easy for me. All i can say here - haiz.

right now, i need to remind myself that i have a team of officers who have not been promoted for many years and the important items for my technical officer and me is to brainstorm on how to create value in their work, to be recognised for their work and to be on constant motivation to improve themselves.

of course, it's easier to talk here than to take action. i need to push myself constantly to walk the talk.

a mini xmas celebration party organised by my colleagues..think my angel was not very happy with the gifts i got for him/her.. sigh...but i guess i dun know him/her well, so din manage to get a good gift.. i feel kinda disappointed with myself.

can't wait to meet ZJ they all for xmas gathering..always enjoy being with them..it feels very comfortable being with them.

2010-12-12T01:37:00.002+08:00

Met AG's 2 more frens..realise and kinda confirm myself that i really have a very awkward social skills. i can't talk!!!!!! i will just keep rather quiet, VERY ZEN (being sarcastic of myself here) and if i talk, i tend to sound kinda serious and egotistic in a way. and when i talked to the guys' lady friend whom we met at the restaurant, i realise i am different..i can't connect the frequency and i'm feeling like some sort of a nerd or freak or i dun know!!! but then again, i am frank with what i say. so..hmmm..ya..i can't joke..i'm not comfortable. but anyway i just be what i am. I am a satisfied loner, so be it. i like hanging out with my usual lady frens (the s5 girls, the ntu clique), and i am happy with that.

realise that AG is that one man who can make me feel very comfortable being with him.

Hmm..felt a lot better after crying out hard tat night. it's good wake-up call. i'm picking myself up again. and interestingly, i can't stay moody with AG around..i can just forget about my worry..he has his ways to cheer me up without doing anything deliberate.

But something worries me a little..not long ago he told me that there is no point in marriage. i was like (O_O)...please God, don't let me walk this terrible path again...this can really hurt me..

so which means, i am, again, taking a risk. i just have to put my faith in God.

Been reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde the second time. Love this book. So many interesting philosophical quotes and meanings.

2010-12-09T22:14:00.001+08:00

I finally break down. Receive all my exams results. din do well in all the modules. very very disappointed with myself, kept crying away.

Who to blame? I can only blame myself.

All i can think of now is put more efforts in next semester. i have to say i've too many other commitment this semester. i will just listen to my own heart, study what i need to learn, don't study for the sake of exams. don't follow the rest to study for the sake of exams. This method has proven not effective for you. You did worse than before.

i am in my 4th year..i can't afford myself to deteriorate in my studies =(

I'm very exhausted now..my eyes feel heavy and swollen...

2010-12-08T00:21:00.002+08:00

En fin...my exams are over!!! woooo..

not very excited over it..cos i am not very excited about next semester's class schedule. 5 important modules plus weekly clinical attachment sessions. How am I going to manage? I am already trying hard to refresh my knowledge for the past years' modules. all are essential for the license examination. it's like going for some beijing capital examination - once fail one module, you fail the entire examination, and you can come back to take the exam next year.

2010-12-06T20:02:00.002+08:00

Work today was quite amusing, hmm well only to me, i guess.

my boss is back and I had quite an intensive short discussion with her over the phone for an assumingly urgent matter. both of us sounded rather impatient/urgent/anxious with each other and the conversation, after some thoughts, is rather amusing to me. it feels like i had a minor working conflict with my boss, but i kinda embrace such conflict and am looking at it optimistically. conflicts open up frank conversation, which i like that.

talking about frankness in work, i remembered giving a negative feedback to my director about an internal training trial, seriously i dun know where's the courage, i only know that i will give my honest feedback if i really want the trial to be successful. i am taking a risk. a foolish risk, it's possible.

anyway last week i actually told my division boss about my next development progression, took the opportunity to let him know my interest of where i wanna move on next..i mean since he asked..of course i wanna let him know my interest otherwise i may lose the chance..well, see how it goes. keeping my finger crossed cos it may be another foolish risk i took.

last paper tomorrow. Wooh!! i can't wait!

2010-12-01T18:24:00.002+08:00

one paper down, 3 more to go. i am already feeling insane right now.

going back office in the morning, and a half day leave in the afternoon. same as for Friday.

all i can feel right now is that - i need a change. A big change. and i need to take action to make that change. i am feeling the nuttiness in me.. such feeling is like some sort regular hiccups. it's killing my mind everytime the hiccup perks.

but then i still need to wait. and remind myself to be on a constant lookout.

2010-11-30T01:52:00.002+08:00

Taking a break from the studying now..feeling kind saturated and un-motivated to study..

Don't know why - it seems that i am taking this round of exams in a more relaxed and controlled manner..think i've studied the exam questions earlier on, feel more prepared. But i'm not confident of scoring high. Don't know why.

on my lookout again. haha..but will wait.

2010-11-26T01:22:00.002+08:00

My leave starts tomorrow. And I still have endless work to do.. sigh.. =(

I really wish for a good weekend getaway, and just do nothing. Just relax and really take a good breather.

Recently I feel I have been pushing too hard on my officer..feel that it is not very good of me. I need to let my officer take a good rest before the new year kicks in.

********************************************************************

Anyway it was AG's birthday on Tuesday =) brought him to Melt the World Cafe..glad he likes it and glad he likes the mug i get for him =)

2010-11-21T04:04:00.003+08:00

I feel i'm running out of time. I need more time to prepare for my exams..i feel so screwed up.. =(

eventually din get to give the presentation, i hurrayed for it, but later then i realise that i need to send the ppt slides..sigh..

i am starting to feel inadequate in my studies. i need more time..i need to be more focused..

many times i harbour that thought, but i know i can't do that.. =(

i'm starting to feel i'm losing control of my time. i start to hope that a day will have more than 24 hrs..so that i can have more time to focus on my studies and take a good rest. =(

i think i need to get that book "pursuit of happyness" to get the motivation on how he can manage his internship and the stress level he had to face during that period.

it's work performance review period. initially i thought there's some improvement in my performance, after thinking through, nah, i dun think i've improved. i feel i need more practical courses to feel more confident and assured at work.

i want to take a good break, i want to go overseas to relax, but the thought of it sometimes stresses me up, cos i need to inform my parents of whom i am going with..and to go overseas with AG, it is a question mark..and imagining that i can't go, makes me feel myself being a lousy gf..from time to time, i keep feeling that it is because of me, myself, to cause another relationship failure. i did think about this before, and i tell myself if tat day really comes, i just have to live with it that i'm not a keeper, so just keep myself single and focus on studies and work. i dun know why i am feeling like this right now, could be the emotional hormone in me. anyway it's not shameful to be single, i will not die without a marriage, i can still plan my retirement plan as what i wish to - to be the cutiest old lady in the old folks' home, sneak out of the home and make the nurses running around the island to look for me. haha.

ok, this is so crappy.

all i want to say - i need more time and energy.

Short Trip to San Francisco

2010-11-05T21:45:00.006+08:00

Haa..here I am..finally have some time to share with you my business trip to the states.

So after my conference, i extended one more day to have my own private trip to San Francisco. Din dare to extend my private trips any longer as my boss left the states one day earlier than me, so it's not very nice of me to extend for too long. We were in the states for a week plus, close to 2 weeks, so need to go back here to clear any backlog etc.

So anyway...here's my really short trip to San Francisco...

The trip was on 9 Oct, Saturday. Woke up early to catch the 6am bus shuttle service from hotel to the airport. Boss was leaving back to Singapore while me to SFO.

Thank goodness I have a colleague who used to stay long in the states, so he recommended me to a very cheap domestic budget airline. The 2-way trips was about USD$160, very reasonable price =)

It's a free seating and I got to sit near the window and started snapping photos of top view of vegas =) The view was breathtaking =)

Here I was at Oakland. It only took me an hour from Vegas to Oakland, and from Oakland, I took a BART train which only took me about 20 mins to get to SFO's civic centre.

Below are the photos taken from a shuttle bus which took me to the BART station. Another of my colleagues told me that Oakland is rather unsafe, but as far as i experienced, hmm..not really..but i couldn't agree with him more that Oakland is rather looking downtown and poor..

And finally on the BART train..was pretty lucky when a group of tourists and I met one of the Oakland residents at the BART station and she taught us how to purchase the ticket from the ticketing machine. And indeed, the machine system is kinda different from Singapore's ticketing machine, and thank goodness, I have converted my card to debit card, so i can still use it to purchase the tickets there. It was in the states when i realise the importance of credit cards.

Tada, I've reached SFO and goodness me, everything which i have planned initially started to go haywire. i had to purchase an one-day bus pass and the buses which i planned were planned for midnight travel. Thank goodness, i met really nice residents there and they helped me with the directions.

Accidentally walked into the back alley of a street. Thinking that walking on such street in the daylight would not be that dangerous, but i was wrong. The alley was rather filled with poor black americans - the drunk ones, those who just stood around in small groups..and they kept staring at me as I walked past them. i was kinda afraid, especially when i knew i was alone there. So that sudden survival instinct just nudged me to increase my pace and walk out into the main street as soon as possible. It was rather a scaring crucial moment - anything can happen.

so anyway managed to find the right bus, and goodness me, met the most impolite and rather frustrated lady bus-driver. guess almost every passenger who got up her bus had asked her the same question,"Is this bus going to the Palace of Fine Arts/Golden Gate Bridge?" haha..i was not angry but just kinda amused by her attitude.

Love this place..it's the park where the Palace of Fine Arts is situated. the sky was clear, the whole park was quiet and peaceful, and there are rows of houses around the park. I felt like staying there.....

So next stop, to the Golden Gate Bridge! getting there was a terrible experience. Waited for the bus for almost an hour due to the flight week which was on that saturday. Traffic was packed and i was very behind my travel plan. Nevertheless, the Golden Gate Bridge is a must-to-see at SFO.

The Bridge is BREATHTAKING!!!! Love the engineering behind this bridge..one of the greatest engineering project in the world.

Due to the high suicide rate which happened on the bridge, they fenced up the "popular" suicide spots and put up several signs..to kinda warn the person to think before he/she jumps.

Don't know whether this sign "No U turn" is referring to the drivers or to any suicidal victim...

Managed to ask a tourist to help take a photo of me with the bridge. was rather hesitant over it as I was very afraid of my camera to be snatched away..and well, haha..had a good pick - the tourist can take photos pretty well. =)

And there there, again i waited impatiently for the bus to take me to the fisherman's wharf which was my next and final stop. but the bus was taking a long time and with no further hesitation, i grabbed a cab to go to the wharf. i was already very far behind time.

And there i was at the wharf, super crowded with people..!!!! it was fleet week when the sailors had their fleet docked at the wharf and airshows were going on..and goodness me, there was a huge jam at the road of the wharf..totally crowded, i couldn't see much, and i was behind time, i was losing patience.

So before i left the wharf, bought myself a small bowl of clam chowder (highly recommended by my colleague) and the chowder was awesome!!!!!!! the clams were big and fresh, the soup was totally non-MSG..i love it and told myself that i will want to come back here again, to try out their seafood platter here.

The story at SFO was not over yet. By the time when i left the wharf it was already 4pm and i needed to catch the return flight at 6pm to go back vegas.

tried to get on a bus to get me back to the civic centre but it was so jammed up in the traffic that walking can be faster than travelling on the bus.

So what i did in the end, was to get down the bus, put my camera in my backpack, strapped my backpack tightly and i started to run down south to the civic centre.

i don't know how long i have run, but with the map in hand, i just knew i needed to run all the way straight down to the town centre..i ran past the chinatown street, ran past the financial centre when i got almost lost there. i could not find the BART subway as indicated on the map, my watch showed 4.50pm and i was totally desperate for help. I asked a few passersby for direction and they just gave me a reply ,"I don't know".

I was completely devastated..kept thinking that I needed to catch this flight as this was the last flight to get me back to vegas for that day, or else i will need to extend one more day in the states.

At that desperate moment, i found a 24-hour store at the financial centre and quickly approached the staff for help.

And thank goodness!!!! The staff gave me the direction and I managed to find the BART station, returned to take the BART train, grab the BART shuttle bus just in time and reached the Oakland airport at 5.30pm. And I still managed to check in to grab the flight in time.

PHEW.

Haa..well, poor planning, you may think of me. Well, i agree with you. But thinking back, because of my poor planning, i had an extremely extraordinary journey at SFO in exchange. Price of the experience - priceless. =)

So all well, at least i'm glad i managed to grab my flight back home on 10 Oct, which took me almost a day to reach home on the 12th.

2010-11-02T23:45:00.002+08:00

I am starting to catch up with my work - able to clear all my backlogs.

Presentation on monday was cancelled! YEAH! but it is postponed to next monday. Sigh. Sian. Seriously i kinda dread doing this ppt although i've prepared for it, it's not what i like to do.

anyway heck it - i was so stressed up the whole morning waiting for the sms to ask me go up, and in the end waiting in vain and in relief at the same time. so now i am keeping it cool. no stress.

suddenly the thought of not able to go to range to hit balls is killing me. ARGH!!! i dun have the clubs and i need to borrow..and i feel restrained, i feel waste of money cos after getting my proficiency cert i din go back anymore.

sigh, i need the exercise. Feeling stressful all of the sudden.

ANd yesh! course tomorrow!!!! 2 days of fun!! :p

this week will be the last week for my classes, later on everyone will be busy whacking their brains with exam notes.

for this semester's clinical attachment, i managed to follow one teacher who needs to tend to many patients within that 2.5 hrs of attachment. Learnt a lot from him..

in my fourth year now and i'm still feeling newbie in my knowledge capacity.. sigh.

2010-10-30T03:01:00.002+08:00

Finally my ppt slides have been cleared and submitted up. Mixture of feelings - hope that I do not need to present on that day and hope I can present it well.

5 minutes, 20 slides, with a team of directors and CE staring at me. Most afraid of CE.

If I can get past this well, think there will be nothing i will be afraid of.

Can't wait for Monday to end. I seriously need a good break from that stress. I know for this round, I am not coping very well. But well i know myself and in any future i know how to handle such. =)

****************************************************

Been thinking a lot recently. I realise I love the feeling of being a loner at times, love the feeling of having control of my time and the things I want to do.

Yet I will still want to catch up with the few groups of friends.

****************************************************

Ever since I'm back from the states, i realise the feeling of travelling overseas..travelling alone..travelling at san francisco alone is an adventure - i love it. I have only myself to blame if I screw up the travelling plan. i may not be skilled at photography but i love taking snapshots of what i see and feel.

Can't wait for my next year's travelling plan - wanna head down to japan to meet my bro.

And i still wanna head to europe - when i was at vegas's venetian and caesar's palace, i am totally awed by the architecture. wanna go to europe to feel the arts and the architecture.

and oh ya, being able to be at the golden gate bridge in SFO is a great experience. the engineering and the architecture..awesome..i can feel the firm structure of the bridge, the vibration coming from the fast-speeding cars travelling on the bridge...the experience is totally breath-taking.

2010-10-28T23:51:00.002+08:00

Been trying to edit the ppt slides..it's crazy..

and started to have a lot of backlogs..gosh, i can feel myself unable to manage at all..think even my boss starts to notice all the outstanding items.. hmm..this is not good..but really hopefully by tomorrow i can clear majority of the backlogs..

Sigh, still waiting for clearance of ppt slides from my director.. Monday is the ppt... =s

And next week may be a better week! Am "specially selected" by HR to be in the pioneer group to attend one pretty popular training course which they are intending to roll out to all executives..they are pretty good with words - "specially selected"..aha..but it does make me feel good and important in a way. ahhaa..

Have not had the time to go range..i kinda miss playing golf. =(

2010-10-24T03:41:00.002+08:00

I'm back!!! Hmm..ok, i'm back a week ago. Haa..

Haven't been managed to blog..once i'm back to singapore, there i am preparing the trip report and the slides. gotta present to the senior management.. =s

sigh, been feeling extremely tired and not looking forward to present slides to the smm, though i have just completed editing the slides after presenting them to my director on wed and receive feedback and suggestions to improve on the slides. think the slides are looking good, and now clearing with my boss..hopefully the slides' content will be able to address the concern.

Did a presentation to a group of pri 4 to 5 kids on thursday morning..they were all so cute and lively..!! had a lot of fun interacting with them. and during that time, i wish the smm will be as lively as them. had sat in their meeting once and the atmosphere was horrifying. stressful to the max.

the week has been a havoc, lotsa things which require my attention.. sigh..

have not edited the photos which i took in the states yet, so still need some time to upload them on FB.

This time preparing for exams is not going to be easy for me. there's a clash of leave between my officer and mine, he needs to go overseas to attend a family matter and my boss needs either one of us need to be able to cover each other. so lucky thing my boss is understanding - during that exam period, she allows me to take afternoon half day leave so that at least i have half day to prepare for my exam. which means i can start studying for exam now.

2010-09-30T01:06:00.003+08:00

Can't sleep now. Too nervous for Saturday morning flight.

Besides attending the conference, will be going to Grand Canyon with my boss..haa..and AND I've booked for skydiving..AWesomme!!! hahaa..will be going for that without my boss, but it's alright..! =) I'm feeling very nervous for that too..

and last but not least, for my last day in US, I've booked a domestic flight to visit San Francisco for sightseeing! Flying from Las Vegas to Oakland, then shall take a BART service to San Francisco, intending to grab the limited amount of time to go to Golden Gate Bridge, fisherman's wrath, pier 39, etc, taking photos..feeling very nervous for this trip, as i'll be travelling all by myself - it's a test to myself to learn to be more independent, and yes, probably fulfilling my dream to travel overseas alone.

The more I think about it, the more I want to work in an environment which allows me to travel overseas constantly and yet i can always take that chance to take a break..sigh, guess this is everyone's dream job...

I can feel that this trip is going to be a good substitute of my graduation trip which I never get to fulfill after my final year exam.

My 1st bro has left for japan for his studies..the house does feel quieter and awkward in a way. Just for tonight, i have to sms a list of my parents' nagging to him. haha...can't wait for his internet to be up and my parents can spend the time in front of the webcam nagging at him..

whahahaa...

Upon reflecting on my life so far, I realise I've been slogging like a mad cow and I've missed many opportunities to take a good break.

I dun know why I'm feeling a little down now. guess i really want to have a good long break, which i guess that'll be when i retire.

Think i wanna skip my class tmr and head home to continue packing my luggage..i seriously need some break away from school - 4 days a week can be a torment at times when you realise you never have any time for yourself.

Exams in end nov - oh my goodness....

2010-09-17T18:01:00.001+08:00

Finally it's Friday!! =D

Saw one of my TJ classmates' post over FB. Wow, he actually wrote a book and it is now being published for public sale. Went to look at his blog - very well written.

So just wanna his blog with all of you, and if interested, get the book. haha..quite unofficial publicity for him.

www.alittlenudge.wordpress.com

2010-09-16T18:59:00.002+08:00

Thank God it's Thursday..Been feeling extremely tired for the week.

Starting to get excited over my official trip! Going to stay one more day after the conference and it's going to be all by myself while my boss will be leaving on that day.

I can't believe myself that I actually gave a piece of my mind to AG last night over a matter. Hmm..actually to most of you will definitely find it ridiculous, even when I'm reflecting right now, i feel the same way too. But I was really upset about it last night.

Am really glad that AG was very tolerant to the tantrum I threw last night. I did explain to him last night that I was doing this now cos I didn't want to have this matter hidden and snowballed within me, and I didn't throw this matter out in any event we were to argue over other un-related matters.

Felt kinda guilty this morning..i felt i was like a crazy lady, or paranoid..or i dun know..after self-reflection, i felt super embarrassed and guilty about my behaviour and mood. Then again, i felt a lot better after trashing it out to AG.

Very contradicting of me...

Friday tomorrow!!! Another dinner eat-out with family tomorrow!! =D Sizzler...!!!!! =D

2010-09-13T23:51:00.001+08:00

Yeah, the photos are out!! With courtesy by ZJ..

Under dim lighting, I like this make-up..haha..

2010-09-10T23:47:00.005+08:00

Some time ago, after the make-up lesson with ZJ they all, went to Esplanade with AG for Baybeat Festival. His childhood friend forms a rock band and the band was invited to perform! Very good band - love the vocal..and to my surprise his friend is pretty academically outstanding as well. Wow.

Anyway quite challenging to shoot under that changing range of lighting. My techniques are still noobish..but it's alright, motivate me to do better for other events!

Got quite stuck choosing the 2 photos as below. Not sure which one looks better.

2010-09-06T00:38:00.002+08:00

Been a great weekend spent with AG =)

He brought me to ECP for a mini night pinic on Friday after I've finished my clinical attachment..and he actually played our song...whahhahaha..sounds super lame to me, BUT somehow it just feels super sweet...as usual I could not help giggling away when he actually played the song..whahaha..but he's very sweet to celebrate our late anniversary..

Went to hit the golf course together with AG on Saturday. I love playing golf with him =)
This time, I hit better, but still need to be more confident in hitting the ball on grass.

Sunday, another great relaxing Sunday. =) Slack around and Paige peed in the house cos she couldn't hold on just for that one minute to let her out for a pee..AG and I went to hit the grass range to improve on our skills..and finally dinner.. =)

My throat seems to get better now, went to see the doctor on Thursday after realising that I dislike the discomfort of my throat which was affecting my work performance.

Oki, work tomorrow..sigh..but it's a short week, yeah..!! can't wait for the end of Thursday =D

2010-08-30T11:30:00.002+08:00

Throat infection..and 2 days of mc..goodness me..I was shocked that my fever causes me 2 days of mc..think the doctor saw my reaction and my worried look, he explained that my high fever will take some time to subside..

Paige, AG's dog, is falling sick too..

2010-08-30T09:32:00.003+08:00

Waiting at the clinic now..my fever has gone down a bit, and I'm still feeling kinda blur now..last night's sleep was a big struggle - there's a point in time when my temperature reached 39.4degC. Could feel my palms exceptionally warm and I was constantly having weird dreams, dreamt of how different part of my body turned into human beings and started to go through some sort of crisis management..

It was 2nd year anniversary for AG and me yesterday. Not a good timing to fall sick on this day :( was guilty about it..but AG was sweet last night - while he was driving me home, he turned down the music volume and changed the music station to the one with more soothing music so that I can take a good rest in the car..

Still waiting at the clinic..so long...... :(

2010-08-19T22:40:00.002+08:00

Received another piece of good news today.

I've earlier signed up as volunteer photographer for singapore cancer society and this afternoon I received an email from them that they are requesting me to be their photographer for a seminar!! I'm so happy!! :D

anyway have been trying to keep my happiness of being having the opportunity to go las Vegas to myself in office. Want to keep it at low profile as much as possible..

Went to the range for a while and gosh my skills have deteriorated much after 2 weeks of no practice :(
bad bad bad..

2010-08-18T21:35:00.002+08:00

For today's horse riding, I got the same horse "Greystone"..compared to last week, he was quite hard to control, refused to go to the muddy area and would try to challenge me as and when. Was frightened at a point in time when he tried to break loose from my rein. He was impatient and always wanted to walk on. A horse with huge ego.

But when it comes to fall in, he is always very obedient. Hmm, funny horse.

At the lesson, learnt from the trainer that Greystone used to be a racing horse, no wonder he has high ego.

Next lesson will be the last. I'm going to miss Greystone.

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Yesterday I received an email from HR - approval from the company's Chief Executive.
It is something which my boss had told me earlier on. It was finally approved.

I'm going to Las Vegas, Nevada!!! In early October. To attend a conference with my boss!!! She is going to present a paper there and
I feel very lucky to be able to go there with her.

But after the trip I will need to write a trip report. The trip is an overseas competency development (developed by HR) for executives. So which means I need to prepare lotsa homework to be brought back Singapore to prepare the report.

Anyway it's all the way to US, so cool!!! and I'm so excited!!!! :D

My camera is coming in handy...heee heee.. :D

2010-08-16T22:34:00.002+08:00

It's a Monday blue. I'm feeling moody.

I miss horse riding and I miss playing golf at the range. And I wanna try out playing at the course again. I dun believe I can't play well.

Sigh. I dun know why - I feel sian....

SIGH..........

2010-08-15T12:51:00.002+08:00

Went to hit the course yesterday morning with AG and his friends. The start was not a good one - i hit horribly, the shots were so bad, worse than those on the range. First time hitting the course, and there were so many rules and etiquette which I've no idea at all.

hmm, i was so confused and frustrated with AG and the ignorance of the rules that I kinda threw tramplet in a quiet way and for a short while. But later after that, i kinda simmered down.

Gosh, I was really pissed off that time.

After that, went to watch the chinese musical "December Rain". Kit Chan has very beautiful voice and she is really good!!!

2010-08-10T00:43:00.002+08:00

Long weekend. Not a very enjoyable one for me though. Work troubles me in the midst and I have to make one cruel decision. But i still feel good with ZJ's and AG's company

Went for hotel recce and ZJ they all and golf with AG. =)
Nice nice. =D

A friend gave these pieces of advice to me, with regards to the decision i've to make.
"Show some confidence in your decision making skills"
"Dun keep giving yourself 2nd opinions/self doubt"
It's true. I need to.

2010-08-08T00:26:00.002+08:00

Met up Zhijia they all for movie! and hotel recce! haha..Watched the movie "Salt" - gooood movie =D thumbs up for angelina jolin! she's awesome in this movie.

Went for one hotel recce with them before i went for my lessons. Holiday Inn! Good place, but I think the ballroom can be better. And the next recce venue - Regent hotel - haha..seems that all 5 of us love the ballroom in Regent..haha..

all 4 of us are going to be jie meis for ZJ's wedding!! Ahhhhh!!! Excited!!!!

Anyway i am not able to hold that new appointed appointment for long - I need positive support from my parents.

2010-08-03T11:38:00.006+08:00

Went to Bugis a few weeks ago in June..went for a short mini backpack journey to Bugis..whaha..trying out black and white series, with exception of one photo here..hahah..

anyway also went to the flea market but i'm not done with the photo editing. anyway almost everything in manual mode - ISO, aperture, shutter and focus.

Still learning...

I'm on 1 day time off today! Yeah! Shiok! =D

2010-07-31T00:59:00.002+08:00

Yo..here I am..back blogging..hahaha..

work seems to be improving for me..i like the working style from my boss when she is constantly giving me negative feedback about my management style. And because of this, it hits me in a good way - i realise that most of the things I've learnt or picked up from my early days of managing corp issues are not applicable to what I am in now. And this is when I start to unlearn and relearn.

It motivates me now - everyday i can feel there's something waiting for me to create miracles. I feel there's a calling for me right now. And it is this healthy competition which i build within myself to improve my management style.

I am no longer so lost like a sheep. I feel I am a baby eagle, falling repeatedly but persistently picking myself up and believing myself that one day i can fly like an eagle.

WOW...whahhaha..

Anyway hope things will go smoothly for me..

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As usual, I am still struggling with managing my weight..been putting on weight.. (T___T)

but AG always brings me to eat yummy food..and you know, i am a very greedy girl..whahhaa..

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Have not been playing golf for the past 6 days..miss it so much... (T__T)

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Went to learn horse-riding with my other 4 colleagues..the lesson cost is relatively cheap! at least a lot cheaper than golf lessons..hhaha..

Had my first lesson on Wednesday and horse-riding is fun!!!!!!!!!! Although i only learn how to get on and off the horse for the first lesson, the experience was awesome!!!

But I know, i've to restrain myself from indulging deep into this hobby. I already have 2 expensive hobbies - photography and golf. No way i am going to get different horse-riding gadgets and even to the extent that I wanna keep a horse as a pet..No way man!!!

I can't wait to learn galloping..hee hee..

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Need to start editing my photos..took some photos during one June weekend, and up to now, I have not edited them yet.

I need to start taking my toy out for a walk soon. And..haha..i'm starting to think about getting accessories for my toy - external flash!!
Afterall, I realise I need to accept the fact that i still need external flash to manage some lighting inadeqency. And the flash on my camera now is not good for my 18-200 lens.

Never mind, I will improve on my photography technical skills first, then motivate myself to post some photos on forum for like-minded fanatics for technical critics.

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2010-07-18T15:17:00.002+08:00

A week has just gone..

What have I been doing? Work work lessons lessons..and wondering how I get my new appointment done well..

Don't know whether I am being scrutinising or agressive or overly assertively... =(

2010-07-11T14:36:00.004+08:00

Helloo!!! haha..finally i've the time to blog..!

After the big company event, went for a short weekend getaway with Zj they all to Bintan last weekend!! It's my first "overseas" trip with them!! and finally after many years of working non-stop, I finally have the time and the opportunity to travel overseas to get away from the little red dot.

Here're the shots! More photos are found in my facebook!

Went to stay at Bintan Lagoon Resort. Love the place!

We went to Pasar Oleh Oleh to try shopping around, and we had our dinner there! The price was cheap and the food was fabulous! The dinner set came with a chilli crab too!!

Went to the beach on both weekends, and we had a lot of fun doing the jump shots!

And my first trial to archery!! 20 arrows and I'm very satisfied with my scores. hahaha..i think not too bad for a first-timer. hahaha..but archery is tough....

After the Bintan trip, I felt more refreshed..after the event, work piled up and I need to keep revising my work targets..after the match last night, worked through the wee hours and also in the late morning just now..setting targets, i realise, can be pretty hard. It's not like those targets which I set upon myself.

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Think my golf technique has come to a halt - my full swing can only hit to a certain distance. Thank goodness, one of the working staff at the driving range offered to give me a few good tips on aiding me to push my limits. And I start to see light in the tunnel. haaa..

For some reasons, I see satisfaction and confidence in this sport. I'm enjoying it most of the time, frustrated cos I see myself stuck and seem not to be able to go further. I guess I'm a hands-on person? And what's good about this game - I can go there alone and have a good personal time. Well, sometimes with AG, I enjoy his presence - he's just there and I feel accompanied but not disturbed.

Think till now, I am still trying to figure out myself my personal traits and capability.

And guess who I saw for the past 2 sessions I went recently? I saw Christopher Lee!! The first time I saw him, I was so "star-struck" that I became totally blur and gave $10 to a $20 meal! I'm a village girl lah, never see celebrities before..whhhaha!!!

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School has started and there is this big discussion going on. I'm kinda worried..but some of my classmates were telling me that we should not worry so much - the dean will fight for us.

Clinical attachment tomorrow..at Kallang Bahru!! My gosh!! where's this freaking place!!! hahaha..

Taking this degree course is a regular defibrillator and doses of adrenaline to my life.

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2010-06-22T22:16:00.002+08:00

Great friends gathering..!

Saturday, after my golf lesson, met up ZJ they all for dim sum buffet at Tung Lok Seafood restaurant. Followed up by 2 games of bowling..haha..HM topped the 2 games! i'm impressed!! haha.. =p then we went to the arcade to have a daytona car racing challenge. hahaa..i won most of the challenges.. =p Then hmm..went to katong mall to sing ktv..haha..gosh..what a day! haha..it's fun but very tiring..we squeeezed many activities within a day..haha..!!

Sunday - Fathers' Day celebration. Ended up cancelling the meetup with AG and his dad for dinner. But went to Downtown East to have a great outing and dinner with my family..went to play arcade again, with my brothers while my parents watched us play..followed by seoul garden buffet..and last but not least, arcade again! hahaha..!!

Monday - One big NTU clinque gathering in Blu Jaz Bar..it's a farewell party for KW's leaving for australia for his pilot training. and hahha..guess what? they gave me a surprise birthday cake!!! i was very surprised and never thought of it at all..hhhaa..it's a great night!! =) watched the entire match of Portugal vs North Korea and had great catchup session with everyone..!!!

Tuesday - The day din really end well. Was kinda reprimanded by my boss for not meeting the weekly KPI (key performance indicator).. =( was disappointed with myself, but anyway have already thought of the solution and told my officer..so see how it goes..think this time should work well. Guess afterall I'm still not as proactive as I thought. And I need to be more assertive.

Anyway left slightly earlier than usual and had a mini wok soup for comfort food.

Birthday leave tomorrow! can't wait!

2010-06-19T01:05:00.005+08:00

Somehow it seems that since my boss talked to me about my work performance, I felt more motivated and proactive in my work. At least I know what the expectations are now and I am not feeling that lost anymore. I can feel myself that I am performing a lot better than before.

Recently been going for many external meetings with my boss and learnt a lot from her. She presented herself very well and would take every opportunity available to promote our initiatives. Yet she doesn't sound aggressively pushy. Learnt a lot of positive management and leadership skills from her.

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Yeah, my birthday leave has been approved!! Think this year is a great birthday year for me, the big event doesn't clash with my birthday week!!! =D so happy...!!! =D

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Meeting with ZJ they all tomorrow after my golf lesson!! Woohooo..!! can't wait to see them!!

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Went for a hike at the bukit timah nature reserve with my tjc wushu frens last sunday - fun but super tiring..my calves ached for almost 4 days!!

But din take many photos - still not good enough to play around with the manual mode..

We have reached the summit..!! and I've left my water bottle at the summit hut... (T__T)

Apparently we saw some of the regular hikers walk backwards as they walked down the steep slope. We followed them and realised that it was much easier to walk backwards down the slope..!!

2010-06-17T23:45:00.002+08:00

Went to the driving range to have my own practice.. this time hit 240 balls ..and majority of them were bad shots.. =(

somehow i was very affected by such comment,"you can't be taught." I was useless and can get hurt very easily by such comment, so I kinda teared and scared AG..I just hate this such comment..i dun think myself to be stupid, i'm just slow in my learning..aiya..think i've hit too many balls in one session..240 balls cost me a total of $18..sigh...was kinda discouraged cos my performance is not consistent at all..

quite useless of me to tear for such a comment..but i seriously hate to be regarded as useless, in any form or way - it just gets on my nerve.

i'm not stupid!

2010-06-09T22:59:00.004+08:00

Super bored now. worked till 8, then hit the office gym..and have nothing to look forward..stone stone stone..

think i'm very used to the hectic life..then now AG has golf to focus on, so think meeting me after work is his secondary stuff in his time now..but i can't tell him too and also dun wanna to initiate to meet up for dinner..so now during the holiday, i need to find stuff to do now..

i'm so bored tat i feel like crying..haiz..shall fill my time with studies.. =(

2010-06-09T00:48:00.002+08:00

Been crazy past 2 days for me - it's like fighting for war first day when I went back to work. And tuesday's afternoon was data and more data calculation.

Got back my results today. I've passed all!! Especially the one which I thought that I need to retake and I manage to pass it by 10 marks! Phew....now I can fully look forward to the bintan trip!! =D

yeah! Can start exercising!! Been putting on weight..terrible me..

Golf this Saturday..can't wait to excel in it..whahaha!!
Hmm..but actually why do I wanna take up golf? Hmm..the first source of motivation is that I can play with AG, not that he has no accompany to play with, but think so that in case he has no one to play with, I can play with him..hmmm..actually i only know I decide to take up because of him..secondly just take it lah, no harm- may be a good networking sport for career development..but I'm not ready to get any golf club for myself..super ex lah..I just try to excel using the golf borrowed from the driving range.

Oki gonna sleep now..

2010-06-06T01:36:00.002+08:00

Dun know why I dun feel any happiness to know that my exam is over..think I've the feeling that I need to retake one paper cos I was stubborn enough to refuse to buy the "ten year series" to study for the mcq questions..

Was looking through the nus-duke medical sch website and after looking the admission requirements, realise that I dun think I've the chance to go in..3 to 5 recommendation letters and to be original, which means no sch testimonials, etc..I can't get my boss to write or acknowledge it cos it's not engineering-related programme..

Then somehow the more I thought of this and told this to AG, I can't help myself from crying. Suddenly I just think back of why can't I manage my stress in sch better during that time and had more effective ways to study for the A levels..and now I'm regretting it very much..and now ive to go through this admin process which i've no confidence that even if I might have the letters done and still can't get in..

Suddenly that great sense of regret just engulfs me.

2010-05-31T17:54:00.002+08:00

Went to check my office email earlier on. Just realised i've made a bad mistake and my hypothesis is right - never never check your work email during your leave - totally regret it. Now i am really regretting it and I dun feel like going back to work after the leave.

=(

2010-05-31T02:33:00.002+08:00

Had an hour long of jog - felt so much happier and relaxed after the jog. Fantastic.

Got bored of studying now and went to Facebook and started a novel activity - old classmates hunting. Hunting for my primary sch classmates whom i used to have crush on, and one whom i met in tpjc for the past 3 mths and never talked to him much cos i felt too shy to talk to him (he's a smart chap - got in vj after tat). whahahaha!!! well, din add them all though, too shy to do that, but anyway these little crush stuff are histories, so i juz say it here.

But it's really interesting to look at their current looks - still as charming. WHAHAHAHA!!

Ok, shall stop this.

can't wait for my exam to end and i had a good Saturday evening and whole of Sunday to enjoy before I toil in office. Din want to check the office email during this period, scare tat i'll be distracted. But i know it's gonna pile up like nobody business.

i need a good break and need to do things which i've been wanting to do. Frens gathering, photography and golf, yes!!! yes, i'm taking golf lessons with a colleague..hmm..dun mind learning golf, can play with AG and hit the golf course with him. And hopefully i'll be good. hahaa..

2010-05-30T17:16:00.003+08:00

I'm bored of studying now. First exam on tuesday and my classmates have been sending mass emails for the past 2 weeks which keep informing that some answers to questions are wrong, blab blab blab,..to and fro...and i'm totally annoyed with the frenzy. anyway i just focus on my study.

i'm feeling very moody now. think it's the biological hormonal fluctuation. Anyway can't help myself from minutely tearing periodically while memorizing my stuff. And i dun dare to call or text AG cos later i scare he'll think i'm a crazy or needy girl. so i'm controlling myself and handle this alone myself by blogging here. Many times this really helps me regain my sanity.

Ok, gonna go jogging now. Am really very frustrated now when i'm feeling oh so chubby now.. =(

had a weird nightmare last night. this is really bad. and right now, i'm talking rubbish to myself.

2010-05-29T02:13:00.002+08:00

Here I am, typing all sorts of rubbish right now, whichever comes out of my mind.

My mum is very happy with where I am right now, including my brother. But probably it's true of what my 1st bro describes me - I'm just like my 2nd bro -stubborn and loves to defy. I guess it can be true of me, and probably that's why I can't get along well with my 2nd bro.

So I really need to bite my teeth through and step out of it. And by the way, so what if I'm going to be in discomfort zone? That's what I always like to get myself in. But p.s., such does not apply to relationships - I hate insecurity in a relationship.

Self-identity. Who am I? What makes me me? What's my calling? Since the day I know God, I constantly feel his presence and periodically He seems to be always telling me something.

Life is never smooth-sailing and yet from what I recall from the whole of my 24+ years of life, I've met fabulous and helpful people more than I've met the nasty ones. Ok, those few teachers in my mind right now belong to the fabulous people.

Hmm..ok, what's my main point?

Suddenly I miss everyone. I feel isolated from the outside world right now. whahha..

Suddenly I have the urge to cook. Hhaa...can't wait to make vietnanese spring rolls! Cheese cake!! and dumplings!!! All for AG! =p He's nice, he dares to eat whatever I cook, even though I do not decorate the dish nicely..whaha..

Ok, tat's all for my rubbish..

Moody now :(

2010-05-28T02:26:00.003+08:00

Can't study anymore..drained and unmotivated to memorize..

First day of my leave and I've started my intensive study. And also jogging. Went to facebook and look at my photos in uni, gosh, the dame blouse yet I'm looking different on it now. Put on weight and I am starting on my intensive training again. I really want to wear a skirt and look nice on it...

The first day of my leave wasn't a smooth one. Seemed to be bothered by something and my study. Anyway guess it's the intuition which starts hinting me something. But why feeling so bothered?
Anyway a lot of blur incidents happened to me.

Have a lot of things I wanna do during the June holiday! And this year the company event doesn't clash with my birthday, I'm totally thrilled!

Dun know is it Tat I've turning 25 this year, or went through 'depression' in the past, I tend to be a loner, spending time reflecting about many things in my past and current life. Is this my mid-20s crisis?

Going to have a few friends gathering - my jc wushu, NTU and ZJ they all! Excited to meet up with all of them.
KH is going to leave Singapore for his pilot training programme. Feel happy for him cos he is fulfilling his dream.

Dream. Somehow I find myself stuck.

Sometimes I really wish there's a time machine to bring me back to my jc times. Maybe I'll handle the academic stress better and study more effectively. Sigh. I feel upset.

2010-05-25T23:36:00.002+08:00

The past 2 days have been very hot.. :(

it came to confirm my hypothesis that presentation style and its aesthetic are very important to a learner's adsorption capability.
I dozed off during a colleague's presentation..too wordy..... (O.O) it's an underestimation of ppt slides.
Will put this comment in the course feedback form.

Starting to feel the strong urge but I need to hold........

2010-05-23T02:41:00.002+08:00

A good Saturday for me. Was highly motivated and I rated myself to be highly efficient in my study. A senior of mine has activated my "fight" mode. Prior to that I kinda forgot about my source of motivation and decision to take up this course.

guess what? I can go overseas trip with my friends!! Ha..going to plan a weekend trip to Bintan to go with ZJ they all!! Was disappointed that HM can't go..but we hope she'll travel overseas with us in the future. I can't believe that my parents no longer reject! Ha..but well if travelling with AG that'll be a different story for my parents..hee hee..

Can't wait for my leave..and can't wait for June sch holiday..I've added new plans to my holiday plan!

2010-05-18T01:24:00.001+08:00

Couldn't get to sleep. Dun know why.. Been thinking a lot and constantly feeling that sense of aimless direction..

2010-05-17T00:57:00.003+08:00

Been thinking a lot..

I need to have faith in God - that whatever decision I will make or have made will do me well..

Had a chat with a classmate who is around my age - gave the same advice.

Within the week I heard the same advice over and over again. Are those hints from God?

Realise that how much I've changed over time - I found my confidence, set my dream and I lost them overnight. I have been trying hard to retrieve them..

What's my calling? Will it take me through?

Tired. Shall get to bed now.

2010-05-16T00:31:00.002+08:00

Had a chat session with some of my coursemates during a workshop which I've attended recently.

Kinda confirmed my thoughts.

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Just finished work for the morning. So tired..cos was trying to complete my tcm assignment the day before..but thanks goodness, the work ended in the early afternoon and I had sufficient time to complete it..phew..

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Exams in 2 weeks' time...can't wait for the leave!! =p

What I wanna do after exams...hmm..go for a few local photography trips..shop for more clothes...exercise more intensively...revise my tcm work...and last but not least, friends' gathering!!

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2010-05-14T02:42:00.002+08:00

A very tiring Thursday for me..can't work efficiently the whole day and I kept dozing off for the first half of the lecture..

Somehow it seems that many people have the wrong perception of where I'm working currently. Many thought that it is very relaxing but they are wrong! There are numerous things to do, just that all these efforts are not visible to the public..

Anyway was chatting to a classmate who was around my age during the break when I decided to go home to finish up my work. He gave mr a few advices/reminders..

Had a little chat with my boss after work - glad she told me truthfully about my work performance. Had a feeling of why she was telling me. But anyway, I know myself that i've disappointed her in some ways or another. Well at least I know pretty clearly of her expectations of me and the areas of improvement I need to work on.

After self-reflection, I feel that I'm too not confident of myself.

Sigh.

2010-05-09T01:44:00.002+08:00

Time passes fast during the weekends..it's Sunday today..

Just managed to have a small catch-up with an uni fren of mine..changed his job and is now following his heart and passion. Glad to hear that and he seems to be very happy. And of course I'm impressed with him. An overseas scholar with a relatively good pay for the start, he gave up the chase which tend to tie many of us up.

Way to go, my friend!